Splash Panda | E. Christopher Clark

Splash Panda


The so-called Splash Panda is a species of Edenian mammal concocted by scientists high on Happy Place mushrooms. Each Splash Panda has the head of a raccoon; the body, limbs, and shell of a turtle; and the tail of a beaver.


“Why?” you might ask. “Just why?!”


Well, even the folks who created these things and let them escape from the lab cannot say. These are the perils inherent in the use of Genetic Elevation and Manipulation as a technology—especially when you’re blitzed, fershnickered, or otherwise inebriated. Here, in Eden—as the saying goes—there be monsters.


Since their escape from a Reekian laboratory, the frighteningly fecund species has infested the whole of Eden. That said, they strongly prefer to settle in marshes and floodplains—or anywhere that dragons dwell.


“Dragons?!” you say, concern in your voice and in the spittle you just showered me with as you shouted.


Yes, Splash Pandas simply adore dragons. In fact, their symbiotic relationship with the wyrms of the world is perhaps the most interesting aspect of the Splash Panda’s continued existence.


The Splash Panda is a prolific thief, you see—able to move quickly through both water and across land, and surprisingly agile for a creature with a big shell on its back (which doubles as a place to carry their ill-gotten gains). They have put these qualities to good use as hired hands for their draconic neighbors, with elderwyrms delighting in providing food and shelter to these benevolent scavengers who help them continue to grow their horde well into their old age.

Scientific Name
Testudo monstrosus
37–55 years
Conservation Status
Least Concern
Average Weight
123–169 lbs
Average Length
4' 7"
Related Technologies
Bestiary February 2023
Generic article | Feb 25, 2023

During the month of February 2023, yours truly will be leading y’all on an investigation of the fauna in that there Land of Eden I’m always going on about.


Author's Notes

Special thanks to Author Goddess, RPG Dinosaur Bob, and Cow2Face for their contributions to the initial idea way back in May 2022, and to Dazzlikat for her idea on February 16, 2023 that the species would hide loot in their shells.

Please Login in order to comment!
Feb 18, 2023 16:58 by Chris L

The Splash Panda! It is a real! Can't wait for the pics.

Learn about the World of Wizard's Peak and check out my award winning article about the Ghost Boy of Kirinal!

Feb 19, 2023 14:47 by E. Christopher Clark

I can't wait either. Soon, my friend. Soon!

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Feb 18, 2023 20:52 by Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull

I love them.

Feb 19, 2023 14:48 by E. Christopher Clark

Aw, thank you! I can't wait to share the picture of them I've been working on.

Track my progress on Summer Camp 2024!
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