Wonderlandian Croquet

Wonderlandian Croquet is a popular sport in Eden and the national pastime of the United Kingdom of Wonderland. This variation on the Earthling game of croquet was invented by the first Queen of Hearts, Frieda Jacobs, and is notable for its use of live animals as both mallets and balls. Contrary to the dastardly rumors however, the flamingos and hedgehogs used in official matches are genetically elevated, have consented to their involvement in the game, and are well-compensated for their participation.

Overview

The game is a variation on nine-wicket croquet, a popular backyard sport in the Americas of the Earth-666 iteration of reality. As in the original game, Wonderlandian Croquet involves nine wickets, two stakes, six balls, and six mallets. Unlike the original game, however, all of these implements are replaced with living beings. In addition to using flamingos as mallets and hedgehogs as balls, the wickets are replaced with über-flexible individuals who bend over backwards or forwards to create the hoop shapes of the wickets. And then there are the two living stakes. Though they must remain still, they are chosen by each team to serve as an intimidating final obstacle for the opposition to overcome.

In terms of the field of play, as the fine folks at Wikipedia put it, “The course is arranged in a double-diamond pattern, with one stake at each end of the course.”

As Alice of Wonderland notes in her first trip to a game of Wonderlandian Croquet, the field is “all ridges and furrows,” which presents additional challenges for the players.

Objective and Rules

Each member of the three-person team of strikers must navigate the course from one end to the other, and then back again. Each team begins from the side of the field where their opponent’s chosen “stake” stands. And the first team to have all three strikers “stake out” is the winner.

Play alternates between the sides, with the first-to-go determined by a coin flip. Though each team brings five potential wickets to a match, it is the team which loses the coin toss who gets the place their five wickets; the winner of the coin toss places the remaining four.

All of the animals involved, as well as the human beings playing the roles of wickets and stakes, are allowed—and perhaps even expected—to cheat on behalf of the team which brought them—so long as the referees are not able to observe said infractions. Thusly, determining how the opposition may have decided to bend the rules becomes an additional challenge in the game.