Only Love is left alive

Another night, another Kindred arriving from San Diego. At this rate the Los Angeles Kindred will be outnumbered in a few month. Another unplanned side effect from Prince Michaels strict Embrace policy. Another Kindred, another hunting ground that needs to be established, another L.A. Kindred that has to reduce theirs. All to keep the peace, because the last thing I need right now are more unnecessary squabbles about domain. That's not what I signed up for when I took this job, but only God knows when Michael comes back. And until then I have to keep the peace. I feel like the glue that keeps this city from falling apart. The weight on my shoulders keeps getting heavier and heavier every day. And no one will ever thank me for it.

I put my head on the driving wheel of my car and let out an annoyed groan. Still two more bloodsuckers to go. I straighten up and run my fingers through my golden hair. Wait, something is not right. It feels like I'm missing some length at the back of head. I put down the sun visor of my car and pull up a short strand of hair. I see it clearly in the mirror, mocking me. Standing out against the rest of my long, blonde hair. How? When? Who?

Who would dare to touch my hair? Worse, cutting it? I feel the anger rising in me. Calm down. Look at it logically. I take a deep breath. As far as I can remember no one was close enough to me today to even touch me. So if it would have happened today, the perpetrator would have to be stealthy and possibly invisible to cut it without me noticing. I didn't have a lot of Kindred contact today. The ones I met couldn't have done it and I didn't see any obfuscated Kindred in the room. The only person that was close enough to me was my Childe. The last time I saw Tyler was yesterday early evening. They were quite in a hurry, busy day they said. But Ty is the only logical answer. They could have cut it while I was still in day sleep. But what would they want with my hair? Why would they betray my trust like this?

I sigh. There is probably an easy, stupid answer to it. Maye a new trend on this "TakTik" or however it is called. I pull out my phone to check my messages. don't be late! is the last message I got from them. But that message was from two days ago. Weird, there is normally not a day without hearing from them. Let's just see what they are up to: "Hey honey, did everything go well last night? You were out of the door so fast, I didn't even have time to ask what's up." The last message had a red heart, so this one gets an orange one. I hit send and put my phone away. They will surely answer and we can meet up tonight. Everything will have a simple and logical answer. Right?

That rude, uncultured idiot. It would have behooved him to be more polite to the Sheriff. Especially when the same Sheriff is in charge of domains right now. I slam the door to my car. It's almost sunrise, so time for me to go home. I check my phone again. No message from Tyler. That's odd and a bit worrying. They are normally glued to their phone and it is rare that it takes them two hours to answer. It has been five since my last message and almost 36 hours since I last heard from them. Maybe something is up with their coterie and they didn't have time to answer. They will surely answer late tonight.

I am home. I put my jacket up ton the door and let myself sink into the sofa. I suddenly have a really bad feeling about all this and nervousness creeps up to me. What would they want with my hair? Why didn't they ask for it? Well, they probably assumed correctly I wouldn't let them cut it. I feel the anger rising again. "What do you want to do with my hair? Don't think I didn't notice. We need to talk about this." Nothing I can do about it today. The sun is rising in half an hour and I can feel the tiredness setting in. No reason to burn in the sun because of two unanswered messages. But with the fatigue comes the concern. What if they are stuck somewhere, what if they are in danger? I ping-pong between anger and concern for a bit until I decide to push the thought away. It will all be fine. Right?

One of the advantages of being Kindred is that you are instantly awake when it is time to rise. Ty always wants to stay in bed, saying they are still tired. I look to the other side of the bed. They only say it to stay here for a few more minutes. It works more often then not. The bed feels cold and empty without them.

Still no message. I know they should be up by now. What if they can't answer because they are hurt? Maybe they are in torpor somewhere and no one knows? This is driving me crazy. I need answers. Now. I try to ignore the knot forming in my stomach. Am I afraid? I type another message: "Talk. Now. OMW." After putting on some clothes I run down the stairs. The elevator was too slow.

I race to their haven. It's an abandoned subway station Tyler and Cody took over. They put some time and money into it to make it save and livable. It's not my style, but they did a good job for what it is. I call again. No answer. My fear gets worse by the minute and my car gets faster. I probably ran some red lights, but I don't care. I come to a halt with screaming tires. I see a tall football player running up the stairs to their haven. Cody. He suddenly stops and turns around. I think he saw me. Something is definitly up. And he will tell me what it is.

I use my supernatural celerity to run the distance between my car and their haven entrance in a blink of an eye and put myself right in front of him. He is not going to move until he tells me where my Tyler is.

"Oh hi, Gabriel. How are you? Can I help...", he tries to start some smalltalk, but I cut him off. "Where. Is. Tyler?". "Oh, uh. You know. You might be my boss, but Tyler is my friend and they told me not...", he stutters. "I'm not asking as the Sheriff", I interrupt him, "I am asking as their Sire and above all as their lover and partner. So I ask you again and you better answer me. Where is Tyler?"

Cody stops and thinks for a second. "Okay, they said to give you something should you show up here. But you have to come inside so I can give it to you." He sounds honest. I nod. But I also get more nervous. Something is up. Tyler seemed to have planned with me showing up. So they knew they would be gone for a while. That they couldn't answer their phone. Something they had to keep secret from me.

I follow Cody down into the haven. On the way down I see some of the gang members hide in fear. I must be an urban legend for them by now.  Cody brings me to the collection of couches and arm chairs the coterie uses as a seating area. No piece of furniture looks like the other, but it has a cozy charme to it. Some of it was surely expensive. "You have to sit down, before I can give it to you.", Cody says to me. "Why?", I answer. "I don't have time for this. Give me whatever you are supposed to give to me. Now." "I insist that you sit down.."

I am losing my patience here. This insolent little child in the body of a grown man thinks it has the right to give me commands? Does he think I will do his stupid little dance to get what is meant for me? I rouse my blood and use the powers given to me by clan. He will give this message to me and he will cower while doing it. He starts to pull out an evelope on which I can see my Childes messy handwriting. To Gabriel. I extend a hand to him. He gives the envelope to me with a face of subordinance and an expression that is begging for forgiveness.

I take the letter from him and open it. At the same time I let him go of my supernatural presence. I hope he learned his lesson. I don't particularly enjoy doing that. The letter is  long and written on sheet paper. Typical. I see some specks of dried blood sprinkled over the words. Did they cry while writing it?

Gabriel,
when you read this letter I am trying to save us. If you read this letter, Cody and Lysa weren't successful in communicating my feelings and reasons to you.

I furrow my brow. Trying to save us? From what? Why?

I understand that the circumstances of my Embrace were bad and you needed to make sure I was ready. I just don't understand why you continued after I showed you time and time again I could fend for myself. What were you afraid of?

I oppress the urge to scoff. It is normal for a Sire to have some sort of control over your Childe. It's tradition. What was I afraid of? That you were my biggest mistake and that you could turn into my biggest regret. That's why needed control. But I don't need to to control you anymore.

At some point you decided that I needed to be free of your bond. It was not a decision we made, as a couple, it was a decision you made alone. And I still don't understand what changed. Why now?

I changed. Something in me changed. Something I haven't felt for so many years started to surface again. And I needed to know if it was possible to actually nurture it. Or if I would have to smother it before it starts to grow.

You went to the Warlocks, asked them about your options and got the same answers I did. I don't know why you didn't tell me. Why did you lie to me?

Because I'd rather stake you, put you in my bed and read you a story every eveining before I'd risk your life like that. Even if we would have talked about it, I wouldn't have let you participate in a ritual that could kill you. The knot in my stomach gets bigger with every word I read. They are trying to break the blood bond. Are they doing the ritual Isabell told me about? I feel the panic rising.

For the most time I thought the bond to be a loving gesture. But it wasn't. It was a way to keep me controlled. I thought you trusted me. Did you ever?

I feel my hands starting to shake. I can only hope that they forgive me. It took me way too long to understand.

I am so tired Gabriel. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Smiling and pretending to be happy drains every bit of energy I have, when the only thing I want is to do is scream and cry. It's hard to describe the pain and sorrow I feel when I am with or without you. It's agonizing. Why do I deserve this? What did I do wrong?

Nothing, my love. You did nothing wrong. All of this is my fault. I was blind to my feelings and the love we could have for way too long. You deserve the world, but I only gave you death. But I still don't understand. Why would they put themselves in such danger? Why would they risk it all? They would only have to feel like this for a year. What is a year compared to the length of an eternal life? Why throw it all away?

"A rose always excels."

I stop. This sentence. I put in in their head like my Sire put it in mine. Always be excellent. No mistakes. Only perfection is enough. And like I believed it, so did they. They took it to heart. I never wanted to be the monster my Sire was, but it seems like I am closer than I thought.

But like this I can't. I love you.

I love you too, Tyler.

And I forgave everything you did to me, doesn't matter if you did it on purpose or not. I don't want to come out of this blood bond and feel nothing but hatred towards you. I want us to work. And when we work, we just do it so damn well. But everyday I feel like this and you are not honest with me, my frustration and sadness grows. As you said, we feel everything more intense and pronounced. It drives me mad."

If you would come out of this blood bond and hate me it would make sense. After all I did to you. Some unexcusable things. It would be well in your rights to hate me with every fiber of your being. I just hope you don't. That's why I wanted to break the bond. To know if your feelings are real. If I haven't butchered my chance of love. I'd never thought I would say it, but that's what I feel. Love.
But right now, I'm scared.

I'd rather die than continue to feel like this.

I feel something running down my cheek. The smell of vitae fills the air. Please don't die. Don't leave me, not like this.

If this kills me, my mind will finally be at peace. I know that you will be okay, eventually.

No, I won't.

If it doesn't, I am looking forward to seeing you again. Embracing you, kissing you, feeling you. Doing all that while being myself, my mind unaltered by the powers of the blood. I am making this decision for us. So we can be what we are supposed to be. The best together. Never forget, I loved you before the blood. And I still do.

Eternally yours
Tyler.

The letter glides from my hands. They are with the Tremere. In the chantry. In less than a second I'm at the haven door, my vision blurred from my tears and blood rushing through my undead body giving me supernatural speed and strength. I need to get to them. As fast as possible. Lysa is standing before me. The small Lasombra with the black and pink hair is the newest addition to the coterie. I don't really hear what she is saying. "Let me through. You can't stop me", I snarl at her. She says something about a promise to Tyler, that they are going to get them today anyway. That I should wait a bit. "It could be too late!", I shout. "Do you know how dangerous that ritual is? They could die!"
"We don't know what will happen if we go there now.", she tries to reason with me. I hear her words, but I don't care. She is in my way: "I admire your loyalty and friendship to Tyler. They are lucky to have you in their coterie. It's brave of you to stand between me and my goal. But you can't stop me. Step aside, I don't want to hurt you." She shakes her head. "No." I put my hand on her shoulder and push her into the wall. I don't have time for this.

I rush to my car, the fear running through my body like ice. Please, don't let it be too late. Please don't be dead. I plead with a God I haven't talked to in decades. Please, if you still watch over us children of the night, spare them. I ignore every speed limit and traffic lights. I don't care. I'm coming, my love. Please don't let it be too late.

I need to tell you how much you mean to me. I thought you knew. I thought you knew that I loved you. I thought you knew how much. Did you think I tortured you on purpose? Did you think I like watching you suffer?

I arrive at the Tremere chantry, which is located in an egyptian museum. I storm through the dark and empty entrance hall. "Tyler?", I shout. Where are they? I try to remember the layout of the museum and the chantry. My position as Sheriff lets me frequent here more often then I'd like, but I don't know everey secret of the Tremere or every room of their chantry. I close my eyes for a second and try to concentrate despite the thoughts and fear running through my head. I sharpen my senses to find something. A sound, a draft, a smell... blood. I smell blood. No, it's vitae! I open my eyes and like a blood hound that just got a whiff of it's quarry I storm in the direction of the smell. Down some narrow stone stairs I am stopped by a heavy metal door. I try to open it, but it is closed. "Let me in", I shout. "Tyler!"

I start hammering the door with my fists, trying to make a dent in the metal. I scream and feel the blood rousing inside of me. I. Need. To. Get. In. I have to. I beat the door with my bare fists, over and over again. Slowly the door starts to give in. And I don't give up. I see bloody knuckleprints appearing on the metal door, but I don't feel the pain. Every other feeling is meaningless compared to the fear I feel. The thought of losing them pains me. I can't give up. With a targeted kick I remove the door from it's last hinge and it slams to the ground.

The smell of vitae is almost overwhelming. I see a plain stone room with several small pillars with objects on them. Then I find them. Their small frame with the short purple hair, lying in a sea of vitae in a ritual circle. I run to them and fall on my knees, blood streaming down my face and hands. "Tyler?", I whisper while holding them in my arms. I see their eyes flutter. "Ty?", I ask again. "Tyler, can you hear me?"

"Hey", they say softly. Tyler tries to touch my face. They seem to recognize me. "I found my voice again." They smile lightly, as their hand glides down my cheek. Then their body tenses up.

All my feelings overwhelm me and I break down in tears. They live. They are safe.

But that soothing thought doesn't last long. What if their mind is screwed up? What if they lost thier spark? Who knows what side effects that ritual has. I place my head on their chest. Please, don't do this to me. Please don't go. Don't leave me. I love you. I repeat these words over and over again. I don't know if I say them out loud or just repeat them in my head. It doesn't matter.

I hold their tense body in my arms. They are beautiful, even in torpor. But they look dead. Not the peacful kind of dead that one could mistake for sleeping if you don't look close enough. No, the obvious, cold kind of death. Open, empty eyes, cold white skin and the body in an unatural posture.I am used to seeing Kindred like this, it just shows what we truly are. Dead and cold. But seeing Tyler like this, a person which radiates warmth and joy. It's almost nauseating.

I don't know how long I have been sitting here, holding them in my arms, unable to move, when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up into Lysas face. "We should get them home.", she says softly. I nod and pick Tyler up. Everything feels like a cold trance. Like every bit of warmth was eradicated from earth.