Edenian Slang

In the land of Eden, perhaps owing to the nature of reality in the Clarkwoods Literary Universe, every sapient being is fluent in the English language. Specifically, they can use and understand English as it existed in the late 19th to early 21st century. And because of this, English is the most commonly used language in the world.

Accordingly, much of the slang and everyday speech used in Eden comes to us from English. But with cultures from every corner of the universe living here at one point or another, the Edenian vernacular is a colorful and diverse smorgasbord of vocabulary.

It is also worth noting that Edenians, on the whole, are a witty people. Because of this, they have adopted several malaphors, malapropisms, and Spoonerisms as expressions that they now use quite intentionally.

A

• Accepting donations: as in “She looks like she’s accepting donations,” an expression originally popular amongst the Bekiskapan warrior culture which denoted that a woman retired from the military was ready to visit the barracks (the “auna”) and find a man to get her pregnant; today it is used to suggest a lady is looking to have fun on a given evening—whatever that might mean.
• All-rears: a malapropism adopted as a term of endearment for a person with large backside
• Aunapa: a person who enjoys sex and regularly seeks out casual sexual encounters; originally referred to a Bekiskapan woman who visited the barracks (the “auna”) often

B

• Bass the puck: a Spoonerism adopted as a replacement for “pass the buck.”
• Bear at the door, there is a: trouble is brewing
• Beige: fart
• Bill the speans: a Spoonerism adopted as a replacement for “spill the beans.”
• Blame the frog: a phrase used to explain an unwanted pregnancy or a past sexual encounter one has come to regret
• Boogie: leave; go somewhere else; go home (“We gotta boogie.”)
• Bonnie: lovely; beautiful
• Bubbler: a water fountain
• Bubbler, she got him going like a: he is very attracted to her

C

• Cankerblossom: a stain upon society or one’s family
• Catch a weasel asleep: do the impossible (“You’d sooner catch a weasel asleep!”
• Cellar: basement
• Chowdahead: an idiot
• Cold as a yeti’s chestnuts: dead

D

• Down the: to the, on the

E

• Eden’s sake: God’s sake; Lord’s sake

F

• Find a stranger in the Alps: do something foolish and/or hurtful (“You see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps, Larry?”)
• Firstie: a priestess of the Faith of the First Mother
• First-Trap: a bastardization of “thirst trap” originally used to describe an apprentice Firstie (see above) who was preparing for her First Touch initiation ceremony; today it is used to describe any exceedingly attractive person.
• Fob: to give a poor approximation of the desired result (can also be used as a curseword; see Profanity below)
• Foolborn: child of foolish or inconsequential people
• Fresh feet: a malapropism adopted as a replacement for “fresh meat.”
• Frolic, fancy a: a pick-up line
• Frolic, let’s have a: let’s go on an adventure

G

• Go the whole hog: go all the way
• Gob: mouth (as in “Shut your gob!”)
• Going up, I’m: I forgot; I can’t remember; I don’t know
• Great Lüe’s ghost!: an expression of disbelief similar to “Oh my god!”

H

• Hang up one’s fiddle: to give up
• Hankering: a strong desire
• Hedgeborn: poor
• High-falutin: highbrow; stuck-up
• Hit the crooks: a malapropism adopted as a replacement for “hit the books.” This one is particularly popular in Kirbyville, the so-called “city of superheroes.”
• Hobie dobie: an expression of exasperation taken from the Moldése phrase “hobí dobí,” which means “you fools!”
• Hold your pumpkins: hold your horses; hold on; wait
• How ’bout them apples?: how about that?
• Humbug: a deception; a hoax; an imposter

I

• It sticks out like a sore throat: a malaphor adopted as a replacement for “it sticks out like a sore thumb.”
• It’s like looking for a needle in a hayride: a malaphor adopted as a replacement for “it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.”
• It’s time to swallow the bullet: a malaphor adopted as a replacement for “it’s time to bite the bullet.”

K

• Knee-high to a halfling: a humorous description of youth (“I’ve known him since he was knee-high to a halfling.”)

M

• Ma: euphemistic form of Goddess
• Mad as the Hatter; madder than the March Hare: crazy
• Mira’s mitten: heavens; heavens to Betsy; well, well, well

N

• No-account: worthless
• No suh: an expression of disbelief
• Nohow: not at all
• Noop: an elf (taken from the Moldése word noopskín, which means “magic person”)
• Nunyan toothpick: a long knife

O

• Off with the fae: loopy; out of it; stoned; drunk
• One-strump: small, limited, inferior, as in “I’m tired of this one-strump town.” (For the definition of “strump,” see Profanities below.) This is sometimes changed to “one-stump” in polite company.

P

• Packie: a liquor store
• Phina’s cave: hell; damn; aw hell; damn it
• Pile on the agony: to add insult to injury
• Pissa: good, cool
• Puddinhead: sweetheart

R

• Ratsbane: poison; a poisonous person; too filthy for a rat

S

• Sey taanie: a Moldése greeting meaning “Five blessings”
• Spit the hot: a Spoonerism adopted as a replacement for “hit the spot.”
• Still has frogs to lick: still has lots to do in life; still has wild oats to sow
• Swamp donkey: a moose
• Swoon: to have an orgasm
• Soup de snoog: drink until you feel hot (a bastardization of the Swedish “sup dig snygg”)
• Sugarpig: one who loves sugar

T

• Tie the cot: a malapropism adopted as a replacement for “tie the knot” which led to a tradition of binding newlyweds together in a hammock or cot on their wedding night.
• This friggin guy: a stranger who has offended you; a dear friend you haven’t seen in a long time, or of whom you are inordinately proud
• Too cute: so adorable it hurts
• Tuckered: tired; exhausted

W

• Warts on one’s tongue: an accusation of promiscuity (“He has warts on his tongue, that one.”)
• Wee: little
• Wicked: really, very

Y

• You hit the nail right on the nose: a malaphor adopted as a funny replacement for “you hit the nail right on the head.”
• You have planted your last potato: you have crossed the line

Profanities

Prepare thyself. Things are about to get naughty.

• Bubs: boobs
• Doof: dick (an abbreviation of dew-flipper)
• Dorb: clit (an abbreviation of doorbell)
• Duke: shit (an abbreviation of dookie)
• Dukebutton: asshole
• Fob: fuck
• He needs attention around the cock: a malapropism derived from “he needs attention around the clock” that is used to describe a needy man.
• Nards: balls (testicles)
• Son of a strump: an epithet equivalent to “son of a bitch”
• Strump: whore (abbreviated from “strumpet”)
• Taters: tits
• Wock: pussy; cunt (from the Bekiskish word for fruit and popularized because it rhymes with cock)
• Eat my wock: eat my pussy; piss off