Moontine (moon-TEEN)

Moontine is a popular Edenian take on poutine, a culinary classic of the Québécois. Invented by chefs aboard the Pu Dijk space station, it is a dish of french fries and moon cheese curds drenched in brown gravy and sprinkled with dwarven bacon. And yet, despite its notoreity, moontine is quite hard to find.

Because moon cheese curds only stay fresh for short time, the snack is difficult to prepare with any kind of consistency anywhere except up in space—where the curds are plentiful and tasty as all get-out. And so, the next time you visit the Pu Dijk food court, don’t pass up your chance to give this dive bar delicacy a try. You won’t regret it.

One might even go so far as to say that you’ll be grateful you listened to us.

Recipe

Though the many variations of the dish exist—including ones where Happy Place mushrooms are added as a topping, moon grass is added as a garnish, and one, originated in The Bonnie Bubbler, which calls for the use of nanlaríx fat during the frying process—the traditional recipe consists of:

• French fries, of a thickness which allows for a crispy exterior and a soft interior;
• Moon cheese curds, preferably less than twelve hours old;
• Brown beef gravy, preferably originating from a moon cow, seasoned with a liberal amount of salt and a dash of pepper; and,
• Crumbled thick-cut bacon, preferably taken from a wild Büldarian boar.

Real world Earthlings wishing to replicate the recipe from the comfort of their own homes may substitute cheddar cheese curds for moon cheese curds, and can obviously ignore the preferences for moon cow gravy and dwarven bacon. It won’t be the same, but hey, it’ll be at least slightly easier than crossing The River Without End, getting past The Filters, and making the pilgrimage to Pu Dijk yourself.

Side Effects & Addiction

Though addiction to this delectable dish is possible, most cases are mild. Side effects may include prolonged cheesiness, a sharp increase in pun usage, and an overwhelming desire to protect one’s moontine from would-be food thiefs. If a friend gets jalapeño business, screaming things like, “Those are nachos! They’re mine!,” seek immediate medical assistance.

And then eat their moontine for them, before it goes to waste. That’s what a true friend would do anyway.