Moontine | E. Christopher Clark

Moontine (moon-TEEN)

Moontine is a popular Edenian take on poutine, a culinary classic of the Québécois. Invented by chefs aboard the Pu Dijk space station, it is a dish of french fries and moon cheese curds drenched in brown gravy and sprinkled with dwarven bacon. And yet, despite its notoreity, moontine is quite hard to find.


Because moon cheese curds only stay fresh for short time, the snack is difficult to prepare with any kind of consistency anywhere except up in space—where the curds are plentiful and tasty as all get-out. And so, the next time you visit the Pu Dijk food court, don’t pass up your chance to give this dive bar delicacy a try. You won’t regret it.


One might even go so far as to say that you’ll be grateful you listened to us.



Though the many variations of the dish exist—including ones where Happy Place mushrooms are added as a topping, moon grass is added as a garnish, and one, originated in The Bonnie Bubbler, which calls for the use of nahnlaríx fat during the frying process—the traditional recipe consists of:

  • French fries, of a thickness which allows for a crispy exterior and a soft interior;
  • Moon cheese curds, preferably less than twelve hours old;
  • Brown beef gravy, preferably originating from a moon cow, seasoned with a liberal amount of salt and a dash of pepper; and,
  • Crumbled thick-cut bacon, preferably taken from a wild Büldarian boar.

Real world Earthlings wishing to replicate the recipe from the comfort of their own homes may substitute cheddar cheese curds for moon cheese curds, and can obviously ignore the preferences for moon cow gravy and dwarven bacon. It won’t be the same, but hey, it’ll be at least slightly easier than crossing The River Without End, getting past The Filters, and making the pilgrimage to Pu Dijk yourself.


Side Effects & Addiction

Though addiction to this delectable dish is possible, most cases are mild. Side effects may include prolonged cheesiness, a sharp increase in pun usage, and an overwhelming desire to protect one’s moontine from would-be food thiefs. If a friend gets jalapeño business, screaming things like, “Those are nachos! They’re mine!,” seek immediate medical assistance.


And then eat their moontine for them, before it goes to waste. That’s what a true friend would do anyway.

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Jul 14, 2023 06:28 by Ephraïm Boateng

An well written article about a food item inspired by my province's best dish, and its funny too!? Probably the easiest like ive given on here. Love it!

Jul 14, 2023 10:31 by E. Christopher Clark

Oh, thank you! I'm glad I did it justice. As a descendant of Acadians and other French Canadians, I was super-happy when this idea came to me.

Now it's time for the awkward wave.
Jul 14, 2023 12:54 by Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull

I love it. :) I have never tried poutine but this makes me want to. I will skip the moon cheese version. :D

Jul 15, 2023 02:10 by E. Christopher Clark

Yay! If I made readers hungry with this one, I consider that mission accomplished!

Now it's time for the awkward wave.
Jul 18, 2023 23:43 by Chris L

Moontine! I love it and I want it! I may have to settle for cheese curds from Culver's!!!

Learn about the World of Wizard's Peak and check out my award winning article about the Ghost Boy of Kirinal!

Jul 19, 2023 02:10 by E. Christopher Clark

Yay! I'm glad you enjoyed it. And let me know how it turns out if you decide to make it.

Now it's time for the awkward wave.
Aug 6, 2023 18:15

I love it! Poutine in space! Only the best curds are from space! Thank you for the smile today! Makes me want to make a good poutine for lunch!

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Aug 7, 2023 10:30 by E. Christopher Clark

Aw, thank you for reading! And I hope you get to have some good poutine sometime soon!

Now it's time for the awkward wave.
Aug 8, 2023 14:19 by Chris L

Re-reading this during my "considering for short list" phase and I just got "jalapeno business". You now have my heart!

Learn about the World of Wizard's Peak and check out my award winning article about the Ghost Boy of Kirinal!

Aug 8, 2023 19:21 by E. Christopher Clark

My articles are the gift that keep on giving, lol.

Now it's time for the awkward wave.
Aug 11, 2023 17:55 by Lilliana Casper

I love the humor sprinkled into this article, it's amazing. Such a good article!

Lilliana Casper   I don't comment much, but I love reading your articles! Please check out my worlds, Jerde and Tread of Darkness.
Aug 11, 2023 19:38 by E. Christopher Clark

Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, I like to throw in jokes wherever I can. I do write *some* entirely serious stuff, but not much.

Now it's time for the awkward wave.
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