Heartache by Moony1 | World Anvil Manuscripts | World Anvil

Chapter 18

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Night has come as Adam tucks his daughter to bed, putting her under the warm blanket and slowly stroking her hair while his hand lingers on her forehead. Eyes closed with his gaze softened, he smiled lovingly at her before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Sweet dreams," he whispered before slowly standing up and walking out of the room.

Sighing exhaustively from the day's events, he closed the door from behind and turned around to see the empty hallway around him and the rows of mounted ceiling lights with lamps in every corner. Staring at the ceiling for a moment, deciding what to do next after his confession with Lilim. There are still so many questions in his mind; it is just too much for him to think about right now.

"Smoke break will do," he says quietly to himself, turning on his heel to walk towards the opposite side of this hallway, heading upstairs until he finds the same balcony where he previously went to enjoy his cigar and peace of mind. Walking up the stairs with his hands in his pocket, he arrived at the top and stared at the night view in front of him.

Just as always, the stars and moon are shining brightly as if they were alive, creating beautiful constellations of colors and shapes that would take anyone's breath away, making it almost impossible to tell them apart. Just like before, he stared at the sky in silence, not caring about anything other than taking a breather.

Pulling out a cigar and lighter, Adam lit the thing with a quick flick of his thumb, sighing in satisfaction after the thing was lit up. Without looking away from the night view, he took a drag and then exhaled a puff of smoke that was quickly dispersed by the strong wind, causing Adam to stare at the sky again.

Taking another drag, he then exhaled, letting the smoke escape his mouth. Once again, his eyes are now locked on the sky, too focused on something that isn't there to be aware of anything else. With everything that had happened today, his mind is still being consumed by the things he had said to Lilim, while also thinking of ways to keep her from hearing what he had been going through in the past and present.

Despite knowing that she doesn't have a clue what he told her, deep down, he knows that the Lilim he knows is in there somewhere, having heard every word that came out of his mouth. Sympathizing with him while also becoming afraid of what would happen to her with his sudden confession, because learning how much her own mother did to his father would have broken her,

Who knows?

Perhaps his daughter already knows how evil she is, but this isn't his concern right now. He wants to bring her back—to have his daughter return to the old her. All he has to do is wait and find solution, he isn't the type to give up or surrender without a fight, especially when shes counting on him.

And he wouldn't let that happen, not after all the suffering he had been through protecting and caring for the person he loved. No matter how much he hates Lilith, it doesn't matter anymore. He's still here, right? Alive and breathing, ready to kick some asses with whatever means necessary to get what he wants.

"Heh," chuckling with bittersweet laughter, he then continues with more confidence and vigor in his voice, "this is nothing," he puffed out another smoke, "once I get her back, all of this would be behind me." A small grin was plastered on his face, and he closed his eyes for a moment as the cold wind hit his face.

Another puff of smoke was released from his mouth; however, the cold air had quickly taken the thing away before it could reach his lips. Its cold but comforting atmosphere makes him feel at ease, giving him peace of mind for a moment. This is his only refuge to clear his mind from his problems, even for a moment. Just him, the wind, and the sky, along with the few stars that he could see from this spot.

It is like he had become one with them, connected with the infinite expanse of the universe itself. They are so much bigger than him, able to go anywhere they want, and yet they still chose to be here with him. Adam would've laughed if not for the cigarette in his mouth, making it hard to talk without spitting out a cloud of smoke.

What would death be like?

He wonders about that; even though he has gone through so many unfortunate events throughout his life, the thought of death is still not something he wants to think about. Maybe because he isn't ready, maybe because he is just scared of what is to come after his life, or simply because he wanted it.

He thinks that when people die, the realistic scenario is reincarnation, where one's soul would be purified to become an animal, tree, or person, with a new life to experience before being reborn again and likely reaching enlightenment of some kind. A cruel fate for the consciousness to keep on living with the inevitable that they will eventually die again, experiencing all over again and again until the end of time.

But does it matter in the end?

No, it doesn't. This is his life now, and he would like to keep living as long as he can, experiencing so many challenges and experiences with whatever fate and destiny have in store for him. His death is going to come one day, no matter what he does or how he lives his life, but it doesn't matter to him anymore.

Whether he is dying from an unknown disease and being killed by some asshole out there or old age puts him out of his misery, he will still move on without giving a damn about what is to come. Because that is just how he is, enduring all the suffering life has thrown at him while seeing a way out of this cruel world.

After finishing his cigarette, Adam threw it out of the balcony, watching it rapidly fall down on the wide, open, and spacious terrain as it disappeared in the abyss below. Placing his hands on the railings and leaning forward to take a better look, he then notices someone out of the corner of his eye.

Far below is no other than Alucard, using what appears to be a rapier, with its blade as red as blood and the hilt decorated with gold ornaments. Even from this distance, Adam could see that she was practicing fencing alone, moving at her own tempo and swinging her blade to practice her skill and technique.

Without thinking twice about it, Adam made his way downstairs, interested in knowing her skill with a weapon in order to pass some time before going to bed. It is not hurtful to try to see what she is capable of; there is no harm in observing someone who has skills that he doesn't have.

Reaching the first floor of this gothic castle, he calmly exited the entrance and casually approached in front of her side, watching her slice and stab invisible targets, creating small cuts and light damage to the air itself. Noticing his presence, Alucard stopped her practice for a moment and turned to face him.

"Adam? What are you doing here?" She asked in surprise, firmly holding her weapon in one hand and watching him stand still with his hands inside his pockets. Adam stared at her for a moment, taking a deep breath before answering her, "nothing, just wanted to see you," he told her in straight-up honesty.

Her eyes widen from hearing his answer, her pale cheeks turn into a light shade of pink, and she looks at the frosted ground shyly before giving him a big smile. "Well, I am glad you did," she says in genuine happiness. "It is not everyday someone approaches me like this," she adds with a chuckle, slightly embarrassed from having someone to talk to.

Sighing with a smile, "Could you show me some fencing skills? I am very interested in that," he asked her in honest curiosity. Seeing how much skill she has with her blade, it is something that he cannot help but be interested in. Especially with someone who is capable of defending themselves, unlike him.

Hearing his question, the young mistress herself stared at him for a moment before smiling again, expressing pride and confidence in her skills. "Of course," she said, pointing her weapon at him, "would you like to spar?" She asked in a very casual tone. Hearing that, Adam's eyes widen from shock, and his jaw drops for a moment before he composes himself and replies in somewhat disbelief.

"You want to fight me?" he asked in slight confusion, somewhat wary of her but still curious about her fighting style. Seeing his wary expression, she nodded her head with a smile. "Yes," she answered confidently, "you are strong, right?" Adam had to look away for a moment before answering her question, scratching the back of his head.

"Maybe," he said in a nonchalant manner, "I wouldn't consider myself a master swordsman or something like that. I haven't held a weapon since I was child," admitting that he is not much of a fighter, not even an expert in handling weapons. It is true that he has encountered several fights and survived them, but most of them were simply reliant on his allies and quick wits.

Frowning, "you...haven't fought?" The young mistress asked in disbelief, her smile slowly fading as she took notice of his nonchalant attitude towards his life. "No," he answered again, giving her a dry laugh, "I was a psychologist, not some soldier who knows how to fight." He gave an honest answer once again as he stared at the sky for a moment.

From hearing his answer, she then nodded her head before lowering her weapon down. "I see," she says with a little disappointment in her voice, "I can teach you if you like," she offered with generosity in her voice, "it is the least I can do for everything you have done." This caused Adam to look at her in surprise before shaking his head, his smile still intact.

"Thanks, but I prefer not to fight with weapon," he said as he closed his eyes for a moment, his head facing up in the gorgeous starry night sky. "My words are enough to deal with my enemies." He opened his eyes, breathing in all the cold air and exhaling out a small cloud of white smoke, enjoying the fresh and calm atmosphere for a moment before looking at her again.

Upon seeing his confident expression, Alucard couldn't help but chuckle for a moment. "How so? You seem capable of fighting," she asked again, curious to know more about him and his skill in combat. "You have seen it yourself, haven't you?" she added, trying to get her point across to him in this open environment.

Adam frowned at her rather condescending tone. "It is not my nature to fight," he explained to her calmly, "even if I wanted to do it, I don't know if I have the will to do so," telling her in a humble manner, "I prefer to talk with people before I resort to violence," adding that he hates fighting and prefers to find peaceful solutions whenever possible.

"Not in your nature?" Scoffing from his answer, the vampire girl looked at him with a rather critical expression and asked, "What kind of man are you then? Warrior, scholar, poet, or just a man?" She asked with curiosity and genuine interest in knowing him better, "You are not like the people I have met," showing a small smile, showing her admiration for him.

"Ha ha ha..." Adam couldn't help but laugh at her blunt statement; her honest opinion of him is something he doesn't get very often. It is refreshing to be seen as someone else rather than a traitor or just a plain coward. "I am just a man," he tells her in genuine humility, "nothing more than that," showing his human self.

"A man who wants to find some sense of purpose in this mad world, a man that values survival above all else, and a man who wishes to be happy with what he has," is his honest answer  as he continues smiling at her, looking away for a moment before continuing, " a man who just wants to do what is right and never apologize for it, is his genuine expression as he stares at her again.

"That is the man I am, someone who is trying to find his own path in life," I explained to her once again, "isn't it obvious?" Tilting his head with an innocent smile, Alucard then gave him a warm smile after hearing his answer. From seeing how humble he is, I feel blessed to meet a sagacious and considerate man like him.

"Forgive me," she said in an honest apology, "I had offended you," bowing her head and expressing genuine remorse for making him feel bad about himself. It is not every day a man as capable and wise as him would say those things; she should've been more mindful of him than to say something like that. "I just wanted to know more about you," she tells him again.

"It's fine," Adam said in a calming manner, "no harm done," giving her a reassuring smile and calm expression. Feeling better from his words, she couldn't help but chuckle at his silliness, her smile slowly becoming wider. After a while, she returned to her silliness by showing her childish grin, making Adam smile even more.

"I admire you for human," she tells him again with her honest expression. "You are someone who can see something that no one else can." Seeing the different reaction from her this time, he couldn't help but feel touched by her words. Having continued with her genuine expression: "You are not just a normal man," she said to him again, "you are something entirely else," in admiration of his humility and virtue.

"Really now?" Looking down at the ground with his eyes closed, he said, "I don't see myself as someone who is righteous or has a sense of justice; I'm simply being me; that is all there is to it," admitting that he isn't anything special like what she said and not believing so. It is true that he is just someone trying to survive in this cruel world and nothing more than that.

Nodding understandingly, she said, "Let me introduce myself properly." Extending her hand towards him, she said, "My name is Alucard, the mistress of Bartham. At your service," she said in a courteous tone from her introduction, showing great respect. Adam then looked at her for a moment before nodding in return for this kind gesture by offering his hand to her, which she gladly accepted with a firm handshake.

"I'm Adam, the former self-proclaimed world's best psychologist and simple man trying to make living," he says in a casual tone, introducing himself to her as well.

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