Vacation

Whether you call it a vacation or a holiday, getting away from the mundanity of everyday life is just as treasured in the postapocalyptic paradise of Eden as it is everywhere else in the Clarkwoods Literary Universe—and maybe even more so. After all, when you’ve survived the end of the world as you knew it you don’t want to feel just fine all the time¹. You want to feel amazing every once in a while too, don’t you?!

So, whether you take yourself down to the Paradise City² or drive on down the Holiday Road³, just admit to yourself, my fellow Edenians, that, “Vacation! It’s all I ever wanted!”⁴ and you’ll have the time of your life.

Rationale

You need a reason to go on vacation? A reason?! Have you heard of the comedian Jeff Foxworthy? He once did a bit which centered around the phrase, “You might be a redneck.” Well, friend, if you need a “reason” to take a vacation, then you might be a workaholic! And now, instead of resting and relaxing, I want you to write me 100 of your finest “You might be a workaholic” jokes.

Popular Destinations

Nunya

• Paradise City, known for its “city-wide ban on public decency”
• The Slopes of the Morose Mountains in the The Wastes, a popular skiing destination where you can also sample the popular local cuisine called yeti spaghetti
• Verona Beach, where you’ll find the best surf in Eden, the magnificent non-denominational Church of the Crownless, and the opulent mansions of the Montagues and Capulets (now museums)
• The Wreck of the Tempo, a gray 1987 sedan impaled upon the town monument in sleepy Chelmsdale

Oz

• The Deadly Poppy Field, though be sure to bring a mask if you want to get high but not die
• The original Quadling Cathouse down there in the bayou of Quadling Country, for a taste of whatever kind of love you’re missing in your life
• Uptown, which is like the HBO version of Westworld, but with fewer robot uprisings

Nalké

• The Edenian Athenæum, where you can find books from across six-hundred and sixty-nine failed iterations of reality
• Sleepy Hollow, a quaint New England village which is stunning in the autumn and is the perfect place to celebrate the year-ending Festival of the Five Moons
• The Unfalls, a “reverse waterfall” on the Bü‘ükopo Oadü

The Reek

• Nova Meskera, the ancient city of the Bekiskapan, which looks just as it did back in the day—all thanks to the stewards
• Reekian London, a perfect recreation of part of the Earthling city of London as it stood in 1904 of the Earth-666 iteration of reality

Wonderland

• Dab Ea, a gorgeous valley in the easternmost reaches of The Highlands, where you can shop at one of the highest marketplaces in the world—Ok dal Bilmíl—or descend deeper under Eden than is possible anywhere else by climbing down into the Tomb of the Deepest Root
• Mermaid’s Lagoon, where you can snorkel with merfolk around the Wreck of the Paradox or sing with a school of Piano Tuna—if you’re sure you won’t hit a bad note

Five Moons of Eden

• The Cliff of Crossings on The Blue One, where you can visit with the ancestors or catch the hottest all-ghost comedy show in Eden
• The River of Reflection on The Green One, where you can float along the lazy river as you contemplate the untouched virgin forest all around you
• Secret Waters Spa, a series of beautiful hot springs with majestic purple mountains as a backdrop

References

1. “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” by R.E.M. (1987)
2. “Paradise City” by Guns N' Roses (1987)
3. “Holiday Road” by Lindsey Buckingham (1983)
4. “Vacation” by The Go-Go's (1982)
5. “Island in the Sun” by Weezer (2001)
6. “Two Tickets to Paradise” by Eddie Money (1977)
7. “Get Out the Map” by Indigo Girls (1999)
8. “Roman Holiday” by Halsey (2015)